I'm back!

Wow, it's been a minute!  I have been wanting to get back to blogging and it has taken me a few years, but here we are.  Since my last blog post, we have moved AGAIN. Greg is now coaching D2 tennis at a college in Arkansas.  I am now teaching full-time and working on my Master's.  I teach 9th grade Oral Communication and Dyslexia Intervention. I originally started blogging to just share insight into our crazy life, but also provide some useful information along the way. 

Since it is summer, I figured I could share some of what has been going on with us.  These are the things we have done so far:

1. Anna had dance nationals in San Antonio, TX and placed 4th with her solo.

2. Disney World, my friend Heather Fisk is a travel agent & if you are considering going you should definitely talk to her. Here is a link to her Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/DreamBigDestinationsHeather/?ref=br_rs

3. Visit family in Oklahoma.

4. Try not to melt in the Arkansas heat.

We have been busy, busy.  Here are a few pictures from some of our adventures.  Enjoy!

Comparison and Discontentment...My Joy Thieves

 My stepdad lays carpet for a living and sometimes we would stop by the houses he was working at and I loved it.  I remember walking through this particular one that was absolutely gorgeous!  Big 2 story house, playhouse in back, and a pinkish red bathtub in the shape of a heart. When you are around 9 or 10 what could really be cooler than seeing a heart shaped tub? I would walk through it and pretend how awesome it would be if it were ours. It was so big and I would finally have my own room. I had always wanted my own room, and thought that when I got it life would be swell.  The memories I have sharing a room with my sister are some of my most cherished.  One house we lived in we painted the walls blue.  We had these cute flower sponges that we put in purple paint and started to make a border with.  We thought it was great! Mom didn't. So we took big fat sponges and started sponging them on the wall to look like butts. Mom was even less impressed with the sponge-butts.  From then on we had purple "butt prints" on our wall.  The thought makes me smile. Why can't we know the things we know as adults.  To cherish what seem like little, insignificant moments.  We ended up moving from that house a couple years later and I got my own room.  I still wasn't happy.  I also had to beg my sister to sleep with me sometimes because I was scared.  Younger siblings are the absolute best and aren't afraid of anything.  

That is just one particular time in my life where contentment had consumed me. While I was just a child, I couldn't enjoy the present moments for wanting something else. My husband has experienced this first hand with me. Bless him. Every time we have lived somewhere I have complained the entire time.  I hated it, it wasn't where I wanted to be, I wanted to go somewhere better, and I wanted to be closer to my family/friends. And guess what? Every time we have left the so-called hated town, I haven't wanted to leave. It's exhausting for him I am sure, but he loves me. I am so lucky!  I look back and reflect on all the people or circumstances that happened while living in those places and I let pure discontent rob me of so much joy.  Those were also times I felt distant from the Lord. I could feel it in my bones. The anger, bitterness, even loneliness. Things I still struggle with, but worse then.  I was so lost and didn't think I could find my way back to the Lord. The thing about the Gospel that I never truly understood is that He was always there.  All I had to do was call out to Him. Even though I didn't, He still took care of his child. Maybe not in the way I though, but He did. I may have not been obedient, but He never left me. I couldn't find joy, because I didn't want to find Him.   

If I had certain clothes, if I just had so and so's body, if I wore my hair just so, if we lived in a different house, if we had more money, if I lived closer to family, if, if, IF!!! Let me tell you comparing leads to discontentment.  Discontentment leads to a miserable miserable existence.  I have spent so much of my life being joyless. The "things" that I think will make me happy never do. Maybe a temporary excitement, but then the new wears off.  When they no longer make me happy, bitterness sets in.  My joy is not found in the things of this Earth. I will never find true joy and happiness by trying to let them fill me up. I always feel the conviction when that is what I'm doing.   

This is a learning process for me, and it is taking a lot of repentance. A LOT! Even finding joy for others is a struggle at times.  I don't want to get so caught up in what I don't have that I can't be genuinely happy for others. Everyone is in different places and seasons in their life. Everyone has a story. Everyone's path is different than mine.  My struggles or hardships are a learning experience. The Lord is drawing me nearer to Him and teaching me something.  He is good. He is sovereign. He is faithful. And most of all He loves me. He knows me and he created me this way, flaws and all.  He knew I would struggle with contentment and comparison.  Only He can bring me out of the dark places they take me. All I need is to "be still and know" Psalm 46:10.  

Whatever your weakness may be, remember this:

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:10

Speak truth and be still friends.  Be still.  

Blessings,

Carisa     

In case you missed it...we moved!

As I start to write, I'm feeling a little cheated. This summer has been pretty much the fastest one ever. The entire month of June was spent packing and getting ready for our closing date on the 26th. The day we closed I drove to OK to get my girls and Greg went south to work a week of camp. Talk about a long crazy day. Greg came back in time to celebrate the 4th with our families. Loved getting to spend quality time with the ones we love.  We stayed a few more days, but made our official trek to Liberal, KS. We stayed for about 2 weeks trying to get things in order (with 3 kids and a husband working full time, definitely not an easy feat) and made 1 more trip back to OK. Drove way too late on a Tuesday night and got my first speeding ticket in over 11 years. Whatevs! We sure aren't in Texas anymore. The next morning I had to go get proof of address to finish enrolling Anna in 1st grade. Gulp! Didn't I just binge eat donuts on her first day of Kinder yesterday? It's all a blur! I must say having a baby and sending your oldest to school all in the same year is what crazy things are made of. Her elementary is right across the street from

our house. Yay! I'm already THAT mom, so even better.

 (Side story on the house: we drove the 8 hour trip from Midlothian to Liberal in June to find a house. We looked at several, and let's just I left wanting to cry. Maybe I did. I had become accustomed to my extremely nice, up to date, modern home in TX. I later had to ask for forgiveness for my entitled behavior.  While we would find a house we sort of like that was in our price range, we would not have any money to do anything to it or purchase anything to furnish it. Did I mention we sold nearly all our furniture during the move? We would have been sitting in a "sort of like" house on the floor. I began to get really anxious when we went back to Midlothian. We were even willing to rent, but weren't having any luck there either. On our way to church after our trip, Greg and I were both balls of worry. He worrying about recruiting players and me about us being homeless. I really didn't think that would happen, but hey I'm a little dramatic. What do you think our sermon was about that day? If you said worry, you are correct! Hit me like a ton of bricks of conviction. I don't know if I have ever set in a sermon and literally felt so close to the Lord. We loaded the kids in the car and we shut the doors I looked at Greg and said, "Well that was covincting." He agreed. We discussed our last resort option on the way home. It would be to take an older 2 bedroom apartment down the street from the elementary.  We really wanted Anna in that school and we had literally exhausted every option on our own. Key words "on our own". That afternoon we received a call, from our now landlord, and he said the house we called about was still available. The house across the street from the elementary. Across the street!  Without even knowing what the inside looked like we said we wanted it. No it isn't new, it isn't perfect, but it is what the Lord provided. He provided big and in a way only He can. Greg saw the house before the kids and I. He was nervous we would get here and hate it. The girls love it and hope we live here forever. I really hope that is not the Lord's plan for us, but if it is pray for me. Ha!) 

We have a small water park and lots of parks. We have a Dillon's that carries Kroger brand products and has everything I would need for Anna's allergies. No Target, but that's what online shopping is for right?! Just humor me okay! 

That's what we have done this summer. I have experienced every emotion known to man over the last few months, but one thing remains. My God is faithful and I am ready to see what this journey in Kansas leads to. Would you pray for us? That the Lord would do a mighty work in all of us for however long we are here. That we would find a church home. Love you all! 

Blessings, 

Carisa 

Work in Progress

I had lunch with Anna today, and it was great until I had to leave her with tears in her eyes. A friend had hurt her feelings. Tomorrow she may not remember, but I doubt it.  She is so much like me and I don't think it really sunk in until that moment.  I find it amazing to look at my children and see how they can be made up of both our best and worst qualities all in one. What an amazing Creator we have! Anna has her Dad's sense of humor to a fault and my heart...and mouth.  Bless the poor thing.  I was upset for her and was starting to retreat to my own insecurities, but was so overcome by the Holy Spirit this afternoon it brought me to tears. God has been pressing on me over the last couple of week to share this, and I am trying to be obedient.  There is way more, but these are the details he wants me to share for now. So bear with me.  I hope this touches someone's heart, if even just one.  

 ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.' Luke 15:6-7

"We didn't think you would want to go." 

That's what I was told by friends about the slumber party they were all going to that night that one of them accidentally told me about. We were in line for lunch and  I was a Junior in high school. I remember it like it was yesterday.

This one scenario in my life has played in my head over and over again.  Every time I have not been invited, a group of friends. or even my family are doing something without me, this is where my head and heart goes.  When my husband offers to take the kids and go somewhere fun with them to give me a break, I get my feelings hurt. Feeling left out stinks! There is no other way to describe it.  I honestly don't know if guys go through this, but my husband never seems to care if he hangs out with anyone. When his friends call or he knows a group are doing something together I always try to watch him to see if he is jealous, mad, or showing any of the emotions I would be feeling. (He's been blessed with lifelong friends who always like him). Nothing. He actually seems happy for them. I'm jealous of that.  He is perfectly content with hanging out with the kids and myself.  What a weirdo. 

Now don't get me wrong, I do not think that every time anyone does anything without me it's a personal jab.  Heck, it could be something I absolutely could not join in on or may not even want to do, but Satan knows how to feed me lies. This is also where social media gets the best of me. I think it is such an awesome way to keep in touch, but it is also a great tool for Satan to reach those lonely places. Those sad parts. I cannot tell you how many times I have set and cried to my husband about feeling left out (he's such a good man, and I don't tell him enough!).  "What have I done?" "Why am I not important?"  "Why wasn't I thought of?  I had kids too!"  This has happened way before the blowup of social media, it just seems to amplify it. Then I start replaying every thing I have said or done as to why I am not a good friend.  I've been like this since elementary school.  This may seem so trivial and very self consumed to some, but I'm just being honest.  I was even so miserable with "girl stuff" by the time I started middle school that when my mom moved me to a different school I was so relieved.  A fresh start.  Here I would make my forever friends and they would love me until the end of time and we would skip off into the sunset holding hands and laughing until the end of time. Well the void still wasn't filled so then came boys.  Friends won't provide me with the love I want and girls are so hurtful so let's have a boyfriend.  Forever. Until the end of time.  Just kidding, but I always had a boyfriend. ALWAYS. Guess what?  Boyfriends didn't feel that void either it only brought about more insecurities and more desire to be loved.  It's a horrible, horrible cycle. Moving on. :)

While I was in high school, I did try so hard to be a better Christian.  I accepted Christ when I was 9 at Camp Bond (one of my most favorite places), but I'm not for sure I truly grasped it. I mean I understood, but didn't get the magnitude of God's love for me. Just like with everyone else, I wanted God's approval and acceptance, but I had to earn it from him just like I did with everyone else. That's what I thought. I've spent most of my life thinking that I could lose God's favor over me. That I could do things bad enough He would desert me and never want me back. A continual repetition of "Look at what I've done", God must be so disappointed in me" and "Will I even make it to Heaven?" I viewed God has the harshest of all judges. I loved God, I wanted a deeper relationship and closeness, but I had absolutely no way of how to go about getting it. I mean my word! My sins are endless and he can't possibly forgive all of those right?! Fortunately for me I have been pouring myself into his word (not near as much as I should) and plugging more and more into a church community that shows me how amazing God really is. I am 28, gulp, and I think for the first time am really starting to understand who He is and why I have always been unhappy trying to fill His place in my heart with things of this world. Those things don't matter. I have to continually press into him.  I will continue to struggle with this I am sure, but I am a work in progress, His work.  

If I could only go back to young Carisa and hug her and tell her "Honey, you are accepted! You are loved and highly favored and nothing or anyone of this Earth will fill you like the Lord will! Yes, you are a sinner, and yes will have ugly, horrible, shameful moments, times of loneliness and hurt, but guess what?!  God's grace covers it all! You serve a God who loves you and wants nothing more than YOU.  Just as you are."  Can I get an amen?!  

Do you know why I've suffered?  Because, my God is good! He keeps his promises that my suffering will not be in vain.  My God knew on this very day that I would have a little blue eyed girl look at me with tear filled eyes.  That I would see my hurt times a million. That I would die for her not to feel one ounce of pain.  That He would send his own son who He loved to die for me.  That one day I may hug my little girl and say, "Honey you are accepted!" 

Blessings,

Carisa 

Shut the front door (literally)!!!! It's December?!

While I understand that I do not have a huge following, I do apologize for such a long gap in between blogs. Between a horrid stomach bug, my little Anna Banana's new found decision to not go to the bathroom, and the holidays so quickly sneaking up on me, blogging was the last thing on my mind.  I am going to try and have a weekly post, but we will see how that goes. :)  I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed the time with your families, and are looking forward to the upcoming Christmas holiday (my absolute favorite)!  With having a little one in January we have had several hospital bills over the past year aside from all the headache from the insurance company (that is a whole other story) ,we don't have a lot to spend on our dear loved ones.  So I am truly grateful for PINTEREST!  (yes, it must be in all caps.)  I have been able, due to a couple craft nights, to make a few of my pins.  I must say I am very pleased and was surprised at how cost effective they were to make.

The first craft I made was photo coasters.

That would be my little sweeties!  You would not believe how easy these were to make!  You know when people say, "If I can do it, anybody can do it" well that statement was made for yours truly.  Seriously!  I have ZERO patience, I am by no means crafty at all, and well usually never finish anything.  Sad I know.  Don't feel sorry for me. I have come to terms with who I am and I accept it.  Besides if there weren't people like me what would Type A people have to get stressed out about? :)  Moving on.

The set of coasters pictured above were actually made with heavy duty resin from Home Depot.  I was able to make the coasters with another friend the second time around and hers look phenomenal!  I won't show them for her privacy. (You're welcome Hilary!)  All you need to make the tile coasters is a glue stick, popsicle sticks, some 4x6 photos, plain white tiles from Home Depot or Lowe's (I believe they are around $.16 a piece and are 4x4 size), and crafting resin.  That may not be the specific name, but I am going to post a picture of what we used.

I apologize the picture is sideways.  I found it in the crafting section of Hobby Lobby, and I had a coupon (Holla!) so got it for about half off.  I believe we used maybe a 1/4 to a 1/3 of the bottle and made 10 coasters.  You would be able to make a few sets for yourself or gifts (Christmas is just round the corner) for around $10.  Um, HECK YEAH!!!  You would also have plenty of the gloss left over to do several more or even use it on other projects.  There are lots of things it could be used for.  Another tidbit of advice would be how we actually set them up to do the project.  We laid out aluminum foil and then turned Styrofoam bowls upside down and laid the tiles on top of them. All you do to secure your pictures on the tiles is glue them with the glue stick.  Mix the gloss according to the directions and pour of the tile and smooth out with a popsicle stick.  Easy Peasy, right?  Oh, and in case you get a few bubbles, which you most likely will, blowing throw a straw onto the bubble will remove it.  I also think the coasters would be super cute doing some of the tiles with scrapbook paper as well.  You could even use a slightly bigger picture and  bigger tile and use one of the tiny plate stands.  The possibilities are endless.

My other project was a photo canvas.  I seriously am so happy I found this idea, b/c I have so many blank walls, but an even blanker budget.  Sorry, that was my lame attempt at humor.  I am going super simplify how to make one, but please if you have any questions do not hesitate to ask.

First off I would like to thank my friend Britney from OK for taking such beautiful pictures of my daughters.  She is so talented and if you get the chance for her to take photos for you, you will not be disappointed.   

So onto the canvases.  These are my very first attempts and I was just getting the hang of how to do them, but  all in all I am pleased.  These are 8x10 canvases and photos.  A pack of  2 canvases cost me $3.99.  Yep, that's right!  After you have the size canvas and photo you want all you need is a small tube of acrylic paint (usually around a $1), some Mod Podge, and sponge brushes. First you will paint the outer edges of the canvas with the color of your choice (I did apply 2-3 coats) and let that dry well.  After that, apply a later of mod podge to the entire front of the canvas and then place your picture on the canvas. I cut my picture down before I started the process but if you had an exacto knife you could probably cut off the excess after you put the picture on the canvas. (I hope that makes sense.)  Smooth out the picture and make sure it is good and secure to the canvas.  Wait a few minutes and then apply the Mod Podge over the picture.  It is going to look extremely milky and it will scare you at first.  I use matte finish Mod Podge and you can apply as much or as little as you want to get the affect you want. After the photo is completely try you can then take a small amount of paint and sponge where the photo and canvas meet to help blend it in.  I also sponged more paint in the corners to give it an cool affect.  Also instead of painting the outer edges of the canvas you could apply scrapbook paper.  Just an idea.

Anyways I hope you all enjoyed this and I am truly sorry about the length of this blog.  I just wanted to share with you a couple of gift ideas that won't cost you an arm a leg, but look great too.  I mean what grandparent or parents doesn't love pictures?!

Carisa

Velma? That will be easy!

So, when I asked my sweet little Anna what she wanted to be for Halloween, her response was "Velma!" My first thought was when she saw other costumes she would change her mind, yet every time I asked her she never wavered and stuck with "Velma!" What an easy costume! She already had the shoes and wears a pair of my old glasses that I popped the lenses out. I will just go pick her up a orange sweater, brown skirt, and knee highs that can all be worn again. Easy Peasy and practical! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!  This Velma costume has turned into my worst enemy! Let me explain, lol.  On Monday, her dance glass was having their Halloween party so we were going to pick up the few ideas that we needed.  First place I went I found the brown skirt and it was super cute. (I thought "wow, this is going to be easier than I thought!") Next comes the battle between "the orange sweater" and myself.  It's October and the weather is getting cooler, so why would I think finding a solid orange shirt would be any problem.  That notion might as well slapped me across the face, pulled my hair, and sneezed on me.  (I am sure one or both of the girls probably did all of these things to me, but oh well.)  After finding the skirt,  I went to 4, yes FOUR more stores in search of a solid orange long sleeve shirt. Going to 4 stores in one day use to mean I was on a good shopping spree, but with a toddler and a 9 month old it now means I am getting a glimpse of what Hell is going to be like.  OK, maybe not that extreme, but it honestly is torture! I know you moms out there can relate.  Moving on.  The very last store we go to I find an orange shirt on clearance, (yahtzee!) but it is still not solid. I had even given up on the face it was going to be a turtleneck.  At this point, we had to leave right then to make it to dance on time.  Not only did I think this was going to be a very short trip for the girls and I, I now have no diapers or wipes, but Anna has pooped. So I buy both which I don't need, get both girls to the car, change Anna's poopy diaper and her clothes, then speed (sorta) to dance class.  While, Anna did look absolutely adorable, I was not still satisfied with our results.  Once I have an idea in my head, that's it, no turning back!  So while laying bed it finally hit me, go buy a white turtleneck and dye the shirt and knee highs. (cue the hallelujah chorus) GENIUS!!!!!  A few days later the girls and I had to return a couple of things, so once again we loaded up to finish this Velma costume.  First store, no dye.  Second store, which I will not name, but rhymes with Tal-Fart (prefer this name better), I loathe.  Loathe is probably stating it midly; I seriously have to emotionally and physically prepare myself to go in there especially with both children. Also, anyone with kids knows that just needing to pick up one thing is still never an easy task.  I am rushing to the isle to find the dye; I get there and not to my surprise every color of dye is there except (drumroll please) ORANGE!!!  So today in my last feeble attempts I will try a couple other stores to find orange clothing dye.  Many of you might say, "Carisa, why didn't you just go online and buy the costume?"  Yes, I could have done that, but I wanted to be practical and that would also be the easy way and for some reason I like to make things as hard on myself as possible. Once I accomplish the task, I will post pics. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend and everyone has a safe and fun filled night of trick or treating! (Next blog I will be posting my chili recipe.)                                  HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Carisa

Here goes nothing...

First off, if you are reading this Thank You!  I honestly do not know if anyone will really want to read anything I have to say, but writing a blog is something I have wanted to do for some time now so we will see. Secondly, the layout is probably only temporary, but since the "techie" part of my brain is usually non-existent this one will do for now.  Next, let's discuss the name. lol. I honestly don't want to admit how much time I had put into trying to come up with a clever name for my blog. I finally asked my hubby Greg what he thought and he suggested the current title. At first my reaction was the same as it has always been since I was about 4 years old. Pure Disgust! Seriously, for as long as I can remember, every time I told someone who was under the age of probably about 18 what my name was their response was always, "Carisa Explains It All!"  I know, I know Nickelodeon was very popular in the 90's, but come on people! Then for some reason it kind of grew on me.  I realize the name may go completely over some people's heads, and I hope no one really thinks I am going to "explain" anything I just wanted something that expresses my quirky fun personality.  Anyhoo, I hope to share stories about my little family and our "exciting" lives we live; trials, tribulations, and tips about food allergies (I am learning daily); some crafty ideas I acquire from my new favorite addiction-PINTEREST; and hopefully in the mix of it all a little humor!  (It really bugs me that the previous sentence is probably no where near grammatically correct, but oh well.  If you are an English teacher, my apologies!)  Hope everyone has a {blessed beyond words} day!!!

Carisa